Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
