I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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