dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
