I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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