I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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