I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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