I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
