Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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