My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
