Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
