Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
the liver wants what the liver wants
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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