i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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