Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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