i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
