I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you would pick up someone in the library
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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