I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
