He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
