he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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