Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
