after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
