At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Someone signed my nipple.
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