Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
