Me. At least after what I've been through.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
