areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
