The maid of honor just puked.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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