She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
