I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Someone came in the potted fern
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
