So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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