when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
