Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
