I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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