dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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