Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
