I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
