She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
