Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
