Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
