When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
found the other keg... it's in the tree
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
