No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
cat food counts as protein by the way
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
