So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize