you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
