Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
