he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Let's get the cat blown out
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
