..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
