just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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