Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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