I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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