I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
