Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
