The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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