She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
