I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
