Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
