It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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