I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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