Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize