Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
