My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize