I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
