zippers are such a cool invention
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
