if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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