Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
