Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
