Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
