she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
