My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
