I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
