Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
