I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
