Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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