Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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