Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
