He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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