Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize