Where did you get a picture of my penis
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
