I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
