Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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